OMG! I’m Turning Old!

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And I just realized that I am about ready to turn fifty-seven years old this year and I am working on ten years clean. That is making this year a very important piece of my puzzle I call life. I look at where I am at in my life and where I may very well have been, had I continued the life I lived. I am thinking this next year has to have some huge changes in my life to be where I want to be. I say this, as I sit here at home for the fifth day with a scratchy sore throat and a headache that encompassed me for the first three days. My eyes tell the story of a fever going up and down and my chest is starting to get heavier and heavier. My energy level is between zero and zilch, but let me completely change my world. With all this going on in my body; yes, I want to make major changes in my life. I have to shake my head at some of my thinking and there is tongue in cheek with saying that. I mean who thinks this way? Seriously, I think this way.

This takes me back to having quit smoking. Every time I had a headache or cold or sore throat I would think about wanting a cigarette. Am I starting to see a pattern; oh yes I am. I am crazy. There is no polite way to put it or another way to say it; I am crazier than a three dollar bill. Having said all that I am still here trying to get through another moment in my life unscathed by the choices I think I want to make. Now, if you think you shake your head at me, follow this reality. I only share a small portion of the thinking I do in my head with you, my faithful and loyal public. Can you only imagine how much fun (yes that is the word I will use today) living up here all the time is for me? It feels like I am constantly putting out fires before they get out of hand and turn to bonfires and dousing water on already oil-drenched canvasses. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I have long since accepted that I am a special child of Gods everywhere and prone to bad behaviors when I want my own way. I am sure you have read in the past how well that has worked in my lives. I say lives because I must have lived way more than one (seven or ten) by the feeling in my body some days.

Here is my dilemma, if you will. Part of me is absolutely ecstatic with the age my face shows on a normal day and I think that should be celebrated. I am all about me on my Birthday, too. I have always celebrated my Birthday as a major event each year. A lot of years it was about a week or so long. I do not remember nearly as many of them as I should, but that was my need for blacking out and being numb to escape those awful feelings. Today it is not about that, however, it is something I want to mark the day of my New Year to me. I want to do something for myself; as me, myself, and I collaborate where the next year will take us. I know that I am going to do a lunch date with myself because I like to date myself today. I am sometimes better company than even I want to admit. Oh no, tongue in cheek again. So we are going to go there then. And now I am excited. I love going these places of beautiful sarcasm and hilarity at its best. It gives me an excited rush in my veins whenever I do this type of piece. Okay, calm down lady and let’s do this.

Let me start with the Birthday ‘thang’ as that is where my head is at now. I want to wonder if maybe I am not counting right or maybe I have over-counted because ‘yall’, I do not look fifty-seven in the mirror with my hair ‘did’ and a bit of make-up and fully dressed in clothes that fit. Just saying, at those moments I do not look anywhere near that. However, when the make-up comes off, the morning hair is out and the nakedness is all astray; well let me just tell you there are no worries about peeping toms into my windows. As a matter of fact, if there were any; they are now in another business. I have SCARED THEM BOYS STRAIGHT.

And here I sit, now on the day of my birth and I have recorded my first-minute comedy strip and feeling pretty proud of myself. I have yet to figure out how to get the video uploaded for others to watch, but phase one is started. I just attempted YouTube to find out that I have to open a channel in order to use their service. I am not sure I am ready for that yet, but we will see what tomorrow brings. Somehow the earlier vibe this piece started with has left the building. Having realized that I am off to bed to see what adventures we will take tomorrow before I put this week to bed.

And Saturday is here and I am feeling less motivated which is not what I should feel as I have already accomplished a lot today already. Both my hubby’s and my taxes are gone to the government to be scrutinized by their team of people and then wait for the letter back asking for our next born child and money to feed said child until they are seniors, but that is just life dealing with our government. It could be a lot worse; we could have Donald (The Duck) Trump running our government. I shudder at the thought of that in our wonderful Canada.

I think I may be a bit nervous as I opened a channel for my comedy to the public and posted the one minute video which I originally thought was hilarious, but now that it is live; I am second guessing myself huge. Now the stomper in my head is saying ‘Are you crazy? People will see that not so funny stuff. You know it is not even good, don’t you?’ And on and on it goes until I want to squash it like the bug it wants to be. Anyway, it is live and I am not taking it down and it will get better. It truly was not bad for a first effort, for sure.

To go back around to the whole birthday ‘thang’; well, it really was a much layered day that ended well and one I will cherish in memory for sure.

For me, I believe if we cannot laugh at ourselves, we are in for a pretty boring life. I truly believe I can laugh at me, you, more me, maybe you, but definitely me. I happen to have it on good authority that I am funnier than all of you, and I am listening to the masses. The masses may be all up in my head but I do listen to them often. Sometimes that leads to trouble but again what is life without a little harmless trouble and lots of harmful laughter.

I am getting old. I am getting old. I am going to say this enough times so that I believe it. There truly is a method to my madness. I figure if I believe it and I can make you believe it; well I can get away with so many more things. Forgetting more, remembering less, being late, missing things completely because I am forgetting more and remembering less. I mean I already have some things down to an art already. I can park in the grocery store parking lot, go into the store, pick up three items and lose where the car is parked. You may say well you do that too, but do you do that when there are only three cars in the lot. I do that. I can do that with one car in the lot. Do you also forget what you came into a room for? I forget that I was going into the room for something to forget. I literally stand up from a chair and do not know where I am going and what I am going for. I think I am okay as long as I don’t have to wear diapers, okay excuse me ‘adult gel collectors’ or whatever the street name for them is. The advertisements have really failed to speak the truth about these things. They are to pee or dribble in and then they turn to gel. So, at the end of that event; I have peed or dribbled pee and the pee has turned to gel and now I am walking around with gelled pee in my pants. Now, I don’t know about you, but I do not have very much space between my legs down below, so I know that this is going to show for miles as I waddle my way through the day with a diaper full or half full of pee. I do not see how I can get through the minute, hour, or day believing that I am not going to smell and you are not going to notice the saggy gel in my diaper. My body shakes every time I remember that this is going to be my life one day, soon, like the day after tomorrow.

Now, add to that how ‘directionally challenged’ I might be; there are moments like this one when I feel very distraught for my future. I literally could lose myself in a paper bag if there are no flashing lights and shiny arrows showing me the exit. And just between you and me, it took me a year to remember where I lived the last time I moved, a friggin year. Even the GPS was shaking its head at the end. Not a pretty picture at all.

But, as I said earlier, it could be worse; I could be a single white female living here with old age onset and no one to laugh at me. Hey, that actually sounds like it would be better. Okay, so now I am a single white female with old age onset and no one to guide me home. Just think of the possibilities, dreams, trips, journeys; on shit, wait a minute. Who is going to remind me where I live, who I am, where I live? See, already I am having a Nervous Nellie Meltdown. Okay, so I took a moment and talked myself off that ledge and no longer will I think about what I did up above. If that happens again; I am sure I will need the diaper. There will be no running from that. Oh, the laughter and the sarcasm; love of my life.

And here we sit at the end of another week of living with me inside my head. I have the visions of grandeur, but sensibilities of a monkey. Welcome to my world.

As I sit at the end of his piece looking for yet another commonality we share; I am pleased to come up with dreams. We all share dreams. The dreams may not look alike, even remotely, but we all have the capability to dream. Whether the dream is to have enough to eat or a place to call home or even to win a lottery or have a child; we do share this commonality. I am so enjoying this exercise I started in the New Year. For those of you just joining the conversation, my goal for the New Year was to look and find commonalities we all share as humans on this earth today before putting the piece to bed on the website each week. So far this year I have included heartbeat, soul, memories, strength, laughter, power, love, and now dreams. What a great list of traits to share in the today of our world.

As always, if you enjoyed the read; please like, follow, share, and even comment. And throughout this week let us dream one dream for someone else who needs our dream. Let this week be what you want it to be.

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About the author: Maureen Everick

I am 57 years old or young depending on the weather, my body, home, Google, the moon, my husband, and many other details in my life. I have a great job as a Clinic Coordinator for The Nova Scotia Cancer Center in Halifax; but still want to win the lotto and retire now. I am a recovering addict and recently (in December) celebrated nine years clean. I truly know how grateful I am to be alive and how much loyalty and honesty and positivity mean to me. And yes, positivity is a word. I checked with me. Thank you for coming to my blog and sharing my life with me through the positive to the funny to the shake your head 'seriously' moments. If I post anything that makes any part of your day better; even a moment; I am grateful for that. In this world today any reason to smile or laugh is positive.

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