Welcome To The Beginning Of My 2018. Be Afraid, Please Be Very Afraid.
This is the year of all that is to be true and all that is to be crazy. I am a recovering addict and today, a grateful one. How else would I be able to blame my crazy ways and unsettling behaviors; my ‘personality quirks and quivers.’
I quirk and you quiver is how that usually rolls. This is beginning to my end and as I roll out my red carpet if you will. I have won countless Oscars for playing the lead role in my life play over the years and even a couple of Grammys along the way for creating music to live by one or two years. But alas, my last act is upon me and will be filled with grateful tears and mixed emotions as I navigate the dearly departed side to beyond, well the dearly departed side beginning, at least.
The end of 2017 and very early 2018 are coming at me in waves of Good Lord what is going on in here in my body. For instance, I now have to wear glasses to put my socks on. I know right? I got out of the shower the other day and was attempting to put my socks on and having a super hard job getting the heels to line up with my feet. Luckily for me, I have two pairs of glasses; keeping one pair upstairs and one on the main level. So, note to self this is now a daily part of my itinerary after showering.
That leads me to the next random thought that entered my bulbous head. When is someone going to invent windshield wipers for glasses because I am sure that a tooth brushing is in the near future for this glasses required ritual of my morning? I already make a mess when brushing and am trying to imagine what that will look like wearing glasses and it is not a pretty sight for the glasses?
I am seeing a trend to this piece in covering random thoughts for the beginning of this year. The next one to come to mind is the paper cut dilemma. I was at work over the holidays and had to go downstairs to take some file boxes down and bring others up. I got a paper cut on a finger. Nothing out of the ordinary; just a little paper cut from a piece of paper. The darn thing just would not stop bleeding and was actually dripping off my finger to the floor. I grabbed another piece of paper to hold beneath it and went upstairs to my office area to get a band-aid. I wrapped said band-aid around the finger and went back downstairs to finish the task at hand. The damn paper cut bled through the band-aid and I had to put another one on when I got upstairs again. I could not believe it. It was like the cut was direct to my heart or something. It was crazy and took like I don’t know, forever (at least five minutes) to stop. I wondered if I was going to have to get a blood transfusion at the end of this ordeal. Again I repeat; it was crazy.
And then this random thought goes by like lightning in front of my eyes. My million dollar question of the week/year/life; what the hell is normal? And I am going to jump right into this with both feet. I have more questions than answers and more random thoughts than real ideals.
How do I know what is normal? And if you tell me what is normal, how do I know you are not lying about what is normal? Who got to decide what is normal? Was a survey of only honest people done to determine normal? What did that picture look like? Should this survey be redone today to include all peoples of all backgrounds to be fair to everyone and include all? How were people selected to determine this elusive normal thinking? Were they randomly selected or did they volunteer or were they the ones who decided what is normal for us?
The world today sends out messages to be ourselves and yet dare to be different. What the hell is different? I feel like life here on earth is becoming way too large and way too opinionated for anyone to be themselves or learn what normal or different is. This whole discussion is leaving me with knots in my throat and from there down my body is strangling itself. How can you ask us to be ourselves today? I am still trying to figure who myself is from yesterday. It took me fifty-five years to figure out what normal might be and that I may very well not be one of the ‘normies’. Now, I wake up today and you want me to change course completely and now be myself and different.
And here I sit with the mind of an educated person, the mouth of a trucker, the heart of a soldier, and the body of a washboard (an old and very used one). And as I try to navigate myself through the faded out maps of me; I am failing to find the magic number that will give me the answer of what is normal and why we were supposed to spend forever trying to find it and now that I am weary and aging; you (the universe) want me to be different. Now if I cannot figure out what is normal, how the hell am I supposed to know what ‘different’ is. I wonder if you (the universe) could be so kind as to offer an easy to read the meaning of what that is. Or even better, could you just put it in front of me in easy two or three letter words to understand? You do not need to worry about four-letter words as I will be the one using them as I try to figure out what you are saying.
And you thought you were the educated and yet elusive one. No, my dearly departing friends and family oh shit no; I am the one to become the dearly departing soul on the tail end of one journey and the start of another. I am finding it extremely congested up in the head that is mine and praying and hoping that I am to get a different mind in the next part of my journey of life. If I could be so bold as to ask for a couple of preferences; I would love the opportunity to have calmness, this living on the edge always on the running away or towards is very exhausting. Never being able to slow down for green or red lights is draining. Another preference would be to just be one person up here for a change. I have spent my life with these multiple people upstairs and once again, I say it is very exhausting. They are all so different with no two the same. Each one wants something different every minute of every day. I am pulled in at least three directions every minute. Give me just one mind to deal with and atone for in this next leg of the race. I can’t imagine what being calm and one mind would be like, but I have to hope that it is less busy at the best of moments and so much less like a merry-go-round in the worst of moments. I can hope and I can pray.
Here I sit with so many more random and fearful (less) thoughts wandering around in my head going warp speed all the time. I am going to stop here and leave some thoughts and realities of my life for the next and next pieces. I truly hope you all enjoy the real, albeit short looks into the life I get to live with me today.
I am going to leave you with this as food for thought. If I awoke one morning with the thought that maybe I should get this mind of mine checked out; do you think they (professional opinions) might wish to put me away to learn about the workings of my mind to help others; or do you think they may want to keep me just to entertain themselves? Just food for thought. And on that note, enjoy the week and your life. Don’t worry so much about what others think because they are not worrying about what you think.
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