Where Others Fear To Tread, I Dance
So this week I am going to go the scary places upstairs in my head. You know those places where others fear to tread or tread lightly and carry a big gun.
Sometimes I really just want to make fun of or turn it into sarcastic humor and that is all fine and good, especially as you the reader find this entertaining. However, when you and I stop laughing and shaking our heads; there is still the elephant in the room to deal with.
My head is telling me I shouldn’t do this, there cannot be a happy ending, and what the hell is the matter with me. So, let’s look at this and do this, see what the matter with me is, and still find a happy ending.
There were times in my life when I felt so alone and by myself and afraid of the choices I was making as I traveled the globe of my life looking for a place to fit in; to belong. I recreated myself so many a times that even I had a hard job knowing who I was and who I was not. And with each and every new place and creation came a whole new set of rules to live by, new personality quirks to deal with, and the ever new name to call me. Because, as this is happening; I need to remember all the other names I have used to date because new means new and I would not ever want to be accused of plagiarism by the others up there. And seriously, these are the conversations going on in my head on any given day. Thoughts, well they are a whole different ballgame. Thoughts are the never-ending and running a marathon pace. For those of you who know me and think I am so busy and racing through life as each day unravels like there is no tomorrow; well, I am just trying to keep up and catch up to the thoughts in my head. I never seem to do this but I still keep trying; just like the ever ready bunny, except cuter and funnier. That damn bunny does not smile, and he scares me a little bit. “Like what the hell is your problem?” I really want to ask that bunny. And “Don’t you run after something or towards something?” I am starting to think I may not be the crazy one in this picture.
Oh, and my newest take and thought I realized the other day. I sometimes (always) have road rage very quietly (yelling) at some (all) of these people in front of me. I will quietly (yelling) shake my head (fist) at these mindless humans that should have had their license removed from them for acts of stupid bad driving, ridiculous behaviors behind the wheel, and shake my head moments and uttering “What the Hell! Where did you get your license? At Crappy Tire in the, no assembly required aisle?” under my breath. Do, now that you realize what a perfectly safe and great driver I am; this next thought is going to leave you without breath.
I have just recently realized I must now be old enough to BE THAT DRIVER! Why may you ask? Well, because I am now that driver, and let’s play that tape out to the very end for your reading pleasure. Not only am I that driver; now I want to be the very best at being the worst you could ever think in your nightmares. Not only will I cut you off in mid-sentence of your cursing me out from behind, but just so you know that I know what you are saying; I am going to slow right down in front of you when there is someone on the side of me so you can’t pass. Then as they pass I am going to roll down my window and give you the finger as I speed away very happy that I got to take you there in my head for one moment and go about my day driving someone else Bat Crap Crazy from behind the wheel of my car. I did not know that being a senior could be so much fun. Had I have known; I would have become one a long time ago. Go me!
There is so much stigma to being a senior, so much bad stigma that is, to get old and feeble minded. I just want to enlighten you on a few perks and perky ways descending on me as a senior. I will start with admitting that I am still 53 months from hitting the official ‘senior’ day, but I have decided to count myself in now and give myself a head start to get the navigating part down pat. Also, I just want to start driving everyone around me bat crap crazy today.
And now onto the perk and perky ways we go. Well first let me begin with the not so perky ways; my boobs. For those of you who know me; I was fifty years old when I finally grew boobs; but perky they are not. They are more like trying to keep my knees warm and on the positive of that; I do like my knees warm. The perks are following me around every day in my head and body. This whole memory game is very draining and tiring. I am taking this out of my things to do list permanently and you have no idea how much time that will free up for me in the run of a day. If I had to guess, oh, who really cares? The important words to remember from here on in are ‘I don’t remember, and if I did, I just don’t care.’ Makeup is now a basic line of as little as possible each and every day. When I lay my work clothes out, I have to put the coordinating makeup out as well. Leaving this to the morning does not have a happy ending at all. In the first arising of the morning of a typical workday, I have to follow a strict repetitive game of coffee, shower, body lotion, clothing, jewelry, teeth, hair, makeup, lunch, leave. Should I forget any one of those and my day is not a pretty picture of unicorns and rainbows and it then becomes more of the fire and brimstone, hell hath no fury picture. Today I am going to start doing the: as long as I remember to dress before leaving the house rule and I dare say that will become questionable sometimes.
Of course, I have already covered the whole driving thing; but that is not the worst. By freeing up my memory and letting it run all willy and nilly; I will now have to rely on my GPS for even the most daily driving habits like work, home, and parking lots; especially parking lots. I am quite well known already for parking in the parking lot and going into the store and when exiting the store already forgotten where I parked.
I am so looking forward to getting my bracelet with my address on it and using it. I will no longer have to remember where I live. Oh hell, I will no longer have to remember who I am.
I am afraid that I am going to stop this piece dead here in the middle. I will put a note on my desk that I have to finish this later in the week as part two of senior that is me so that I don’t forget.
Please stay tuned as the best is yet to come in my realizing that I could and maybe should have done this a very long time ago.
But for today, I hope you like the read and enjoy my travels into my ever changing and growing life of me. If you do, please like, follow, share, and even comment.
And going into this week I wish you all at least one unicorn and two rainbows; because everybody likes unicorns and rainbows.