I Can Be My Hero Baby
I can be my hero baby, and I can wipe away the tears I cry
I can take care of me baby, and I can be the one I want today
I can love me forever, and I can do right by me forever along
I can be my hero baby; I can love me all time long.
There is so much in those four lines above; that it amazes me I came up with them so easily. Today, and just for today; I am going to go here and share my love of, well me. As a lot of us know; this is a very hard place for us to sit still in. It does not feel natural or even remotely right. But, if we can sit here just for a moment and live here just for another moment; we can have a different perception altogether. How do I know this, you may ask? Well, because I have had to go here and sit and find a hero for me. A lot of us, or maybe even some of us live lives where we have to find a hero because we desperately need one and have very direct criteria of what this hero is that we want and need. For instance, with me, I need a hero who is honest and to the point and knows how to have my back. When I looked out into my world I found that the one constant person with the criteria is me. The one person who could be my hero each and every day is me. Now, having said that; there are lots of great people in my life and I love them all and know they love me as well. But for me; and the most important things I need in my life; my two powers that be and me have this wrapped up and I am secure and safe within this. In the beginning I was almost insulted that this had to be me; however, I quickly came to the conclusion that this what I have always lived with, so why do I find it so hard to believe that I come into recovery and realize that part has not changed. The miracle within this is that today I get to be, not have to be. Today, I get to be a lot to me and trust in my powers that be for all that I need as well.
In my head I am already hearing the backlash of feelings and opinions over this piece; but this is my life and I will do what is right to me, for me, and by me. I have worked immensely hard to figure out what the what the next right thing is, what the next wrong thing is, learn by trying both, and then concluding how each feels and what the warning signs are for both. Sometimes, in the beginning, it was very hard learning the taste and feel of both and not trying the easy and wrong way; thinking that this time it would work out the way I want for me. In the beginning of my journey of doing the next right thing so the next right thing can happen well, it felt very unnatural. Today I recognize that if I want the next right thing to happen; all I have to do is the next right thing.
An example or two of this follows. There was a time when I did something that even though my guts were churning inside that this doesn’t just seem to be too good to be true; it most certainly was too good to be true. I certainly learned from the consequences of that to not dip even my baby toe into something that felt this way ever again. Today, these opportunities still crop up and creep in unannounced; but I do not give them any sort of time or energy. I have come to rely on my powers that be that if someone in my life has one of these opportunities and will not listen to my gut feeling; then I turn it over to my powers that be to make sure that this does not even come together so that my life is not touched by this or the other person involved has to have the consequences of continuing on this road marked the wrong choice in flashing lights. I may be powerless over these choices other people in my life make, but my powers that be are not and when I ask for help; I usually get it.
What I am learning today is that decisions I may have made in early recovery when I was very much still sick in my heart and thinking are not the next right things at all. I still believe that my powers that put these in front of me when they appeared; but to learn from, not so much to keep; maybe like a broken toy or bird with a broken wing. Sometimes I am okay with that; others not so much. One of my favorite lines over time has become ‘You did this; you fix it or take it away. This is your shit; not mine’. And then my life goes on. Do my powers that be usually take these back? No, but I will keep on trying to give back to them what was given to me and came with some assembly required plastered all over the box.
So, I am in the mood to play funny and sarcasm once again; so all of you out there with gentle ears and pure thoughts; oh who am I kidding, all of you out there please enjoy my sarcastic humor today.
I have a take on men today. My life is sometimes a comedy of errors, but more often than not the solution would be to stop accepting broken puzzles with missing pieces or hand me downs from unknown owners. The way I want to do the business within my life is if I broke it; I have to buy it; except when I was lied to about the shape of the item I received. I mean really women, wouldn’t it be so much easier if we knew what we were buying when we took a new man out for a test drive, just like buying a car. We could read the label and instructions before we made the final purchase. It could read like, gently worn, but strong. Seems to have a gear or two broken, but still does the soap and rinse cycles well. The warranty has ended and he probably needs a few years of work to renew and revive him. On the positive side, he is house trained and plays well with others. Oh no, let me correct that; he actually plays too well with others and has been known to stay out from time to time and have a wondering eye and body. He is house trained though and will provide hours of comic relief on a regular basis. You see, and then we would know what we are getting. I think I may be onto something good. I am sure the exact men I am talking about would not agree, but my answer to that is; ‘It so sucks to be you then.’
A little comedy can hurt no one. I truly do love the other sex, though (period). That is all I can say on this subject today.
I will leave you with a wondering thought before I sign off for the day. If I use the men as a rambling and simple people; am I running them down or am I merely enjoying my comedic side that I am gifted with? I am going to go ahead and answer this for us all and pick the latter. I do so love my comedic side and I certainly am gifted.
As I leave you today; please remember the beginning of the story that started with I can be my hero baby. This is all relevant to the beginning in the sense that today I can be my everything to me and then I will not be let down or disappointed because today I do not let me down. It is great and wonderful when a man steps up to the plate and decides to try and be a hero; however today I do not count on others to give me what I want or need; I have become both what I need and what I want. When others enter this realm and want to offer I can accept their help and support, but at the end of my day as I lay in my bed to sleep I remind myself that me and my powers that be are enough for me today.
As usual, if you enjoyed the read; please like, share, follow and comment if you so choose. Have a week filled with learning how to be all that you can be and love all that you have become.