Oh My Pessimistic Optimist
Oh my, so today I am going to look at optimism and pessimism; which by the way are also called hopeful and hopeless. Isn’t it funny that the one word meanings are just as exactly opposite as the words themselves?
I truly do love this black and white choice because there is no gray in between. I am either optimistic or pessimistic; there is nothing in the middle. And the same goes for you as well; you are either optimistic or pessimistic. And, did I mention I love black and white, yes and no, right and wrong things. I have a hard time with gray’s and maybes and in-betweens and ifs and buts. To me, when I hear any of these words I cringe because I know the story is coming now. And, oh my dear lord, I just want to turn away and run when the story is starting because I just know the answer is not going to be anything definite and I will be left wondering what your answer was and what it depended on to be one way and what the world axis had to be on to be another answer. Let me show you what I mean. So I ask the following question “What time do you want to leave to go to the store today?” And then the answerer starts with “Well, if we go at two this afternoon we will then have time to stop at McDonalds on the way and we will get there at maybe 4 to get that special. But if one o’clock gets here and we have not left, then we will have to get to the store earlier and we may miss the show on T.V. that starts at 12:00 and ends at 1:30, and I know you don’t want to miss the end of that. So, what do you think about starting to get ready about 9:30 this morning.” I mean, really, did you not get exhausted just reading that? There was only a one or two maximum word answer with this question. Holy crap on a cracker and how am I supposed to mentalize (I am so loving this new word) this answer. This drives me crazy in ways I never thought possible.
I want to just continue on with this rant, but that would be so boring for you, even with my haughty derisiveness and talented ways of making you look like an ass or me. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong, wrong era of life. I think I should have had a life or two during the eras that coquetting ways and double-edged swords were popular and used in life. It would seem that is where I would have at least been taught the art of these ways and things. But, let’s get back to the task at hand.
Optimism is one of my favorite things because I love to live in solutions. One of my most favorite subjects in school was math and that can be explained by my love of the solutions. There is always a solution, as far as I am concerned. And whatever the solution is, it can be a hopeful one. Even if the solution is the choice between the lesser of two evils, that still means I get to choose the lesser of which, once the choice is made, then becomes the better of. It is all about perception to me. I feel like it is such a gift for me to be able to make these choices today. I do not like to consistently go back to my using days, but there is merit in doing this from time to time when making a valid and valued point; like now. I spent most of my life in constant chaos, pain, anger, and close to death, with no choices available in that desperate state where I existed; and since I got clean that is one of the most wonderful miracles I get to experience every minute of every day.
Don’t get me wrong, because I do get frustrated and angry at times; I really do. Today was definitely one of those days; well actually one of those weeks since it has been brewing for a bit and every little thing was adding fuel to the fire. But that is okay today. That is a real part of life as far as I am concerned. My life is far from perfect and that is okay today. But even being able to choose to become frustrated and angry, can be a wonderful thing. Think about that for a minute or three or so. Today I get to choose to be any emotion I want at any time I want and be okay being there. I no longer have to be afraid to feel these things. And where I am going with this is pretty plain and simple. Even with the pessimistic sides to my life; I can still get over it and return to the optimistic side. I can still walk through some pessimistic going on in my life, work through it and own it, and come out the other side with the optimism. So, today, about four days after the pessimistic started, I can still be okay that it is now over until the next one comes along; because it will. I am way too passionate and intense as a personality to think this will ever stop. The ride is fun and full of frolic. Well maybe a better choice of words would be the ride is definitely like a roller coaster and full of heavens and hells. Oh, much better description, for sure. But that is honest.
I believe every person in a relationship plays a part; and mine just happens to be the crazy, emotional fanatic (extremist). Somebody has to play the part and it might as well be me as I do have the qualifications for the job. What that means to the other person in the relationship is they have to clean up the messes, wipe the tears, be the rock, and stay grounded. But, like I said, every person has their part to play.
Now, to leave you with the little bit better and a little less painful; well here we go. I am much better than I used to be, but I hope not as good as I will get in the future; that is a start. I don’t go off my rocker nearly as bad as I used to so less painful for all involved and fewer amends and apologies to make. Although I swear my mouth has a mind of its own and a life of its own. And yes, I do have those OMG moments with the stuff that comes out of it sometimes. It’s like, where did that come from? Did you think before you opened your mouth? Seriously what? And my answers are always the same; I don’t know where that came from, no I really didn’t think before speaking, and I wish I knew what was going to come out when I opened my mouth. And there you have it. A day in the life of I am my monkeys and this is my circus.
The pessimist would say this is very negative and unfair. The optimist says it is adventurous and welcome to my circus. Until next time, play the pessimist from time to time, but be the optimist all the time.