My Funny Thoughts and Harmless Feelings
And so this week I begin with taking notice of the funny yet harmless thoughts in my head and in my heart. I woke up earlier this week and realized that I have many quirky thoughts in my head that serve no purpose in my life except to entertain me and now you. There, they now serve a purpose. That makes me very happy because as an addict, woman, and life form; I must have a purpose in order to rationalize my behaviors.
Let’s start with the first one I noticed earlier this week. It was early in the week and it was pouring down rain as I went to work. I stopped the car and proceeded to make a run for it towards the door of work wanting to encounter as little wetness as possible. I had worn a rain jacket for sure. But as I was opening the door I thought I am not going to put the hood up and ruin my hair. I swear to God that is what I thought as I ran through the rain from car to work. Needless to say, my hair did get ruined and I gave my co-workers a great laugh.
The very next day I was getting dressed in one of my favorite uniforms for work. I have owned this uniform since I started with Nova Scotia Health Authority over two years ago. It was and has remained one of my favorites and I get a lot of compliments on the bright pink on me. The pants pull on with a wide elastic waist which has a tendency (hell no) the truth is every time I wear them; the elastic bunches up and becomes very hard to get unbunched when I pull them down to use the bathroom and then try to pull them up. It is very annoying and rather uncomfortable being that I am me and want them to lay perfectly flat on my waist. All that I had to do was sew four straight lines equally around the waist to keep the elastic flat. For over two years I have continually worn these pants and got myself stressed and uncomfortable for the whole day by the bunching of the said elastic. Finally, this week after wearing them, I took the pants and spent ‘FIVE MINUTES’ sewing the four straight lines of thread into them. It took me two years to take that bull by the horns and spend five minutes on the solution. And everyone who knows has had a shake your head laugh at this; including me.
Keeping with the subject, I have realized this week that when there are things in my life that I cannot control my way; the rest of my life reaps the benefits. How may you ask? Very easily. If I am stressed and not in control of goings on that I feel I should be, which is everything, let’s be honest. I do think no one can do as good a job with any part of my life as me. However, I digress once again. There were things I was trying to get settled so that then my life could go on; because my life cannot go on without certain things I think in place when I want them. Anyhow, because of this unrest in me, I went to work and deep cleaned our office. When these things are going on I have been known to go through my office at home and home in general, and declutter and clean that which does not get done until I am in one of these head spaces.
Amazing how this works in my head. My thoughts around this are that I may not be able to control what is going on in my life at the moment, but I will totally focus on and control anything that I can within my realm. To the point of obsession, that is. I will organize, clean, and throw away things that are no longer being used or needed just to control something in my world. And then the feeling I get is better. I feel myself calming down by being in charge somewhere of myself again.
I am thinking I should try and describe the feeling before, during, and after. Before, I feel agitated and out of control, like my life just became a whirlwind with no logic or reasoning. I feel panicky and edgy and very twisted inside. During the process, I feel hope. Hope that what I am about to do is something that needs to be done. I am still on edge and panicky; just on a lesser scale. And I feel empowered as I feel control coming back into my clutches. Then comes the after. I breathe a sigh of relief as the feelings switch to good and powerful ones; feeling in control again. Everything becomes clear and able to be dealt with as I await the conclusion as I believe I am once again in control.
I say I believe, because I do know that other forces are in control, but God and I have an understanding. Yes, we do. I understand he is in control and making the decisions in my life. He understands that I am the product he created and therefore, I must think I am in control. So he continues to shake his head and laugh with me or at me as I struggle with my life and choices. I never did like the easy road and probably never will. I will always stand my ground and state my case and he will always hold me gently, but with strong arms as I falter around and show him I got this.
I truly hope that you enjoy the read this week as I bare and share from my head and heart some more weird and wonderful ways I think and feel. If you are liking these posts; please like, share or follow. And I respond to all comments made.
I must apologize that my guest blogger was not able to do the article this week. I have hopes that they will be ready for the next issue. Have a great week and just be the very best you. Even more important, love you that you are.